Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Randomize
