I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
