I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
