ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Text me some of your sweat
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