I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
