Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
