it's like iHOP with fire
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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