i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Did I show you my penis last night?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
