Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize