Small penises have feelings too.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
