I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize