Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
