I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
