There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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