Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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