I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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