he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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