I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
