Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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