party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
