Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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