were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Randomize
