Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
it hurts more in the daytime
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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