i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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