Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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