When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
