Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
