On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
