She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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