I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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