my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
