i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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