Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
