I wannas sexs uuuuu
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize