well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
