Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
