the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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