tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
