Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize