i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
