Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
