if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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