It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
