If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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