I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
