my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
