I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
