Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
