You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize