If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
