my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
