Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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