If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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