I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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