Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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