New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize