How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She even gives head with a lisp.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
