come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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