Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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