im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
