dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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