I am spending my child support on dildos
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
