Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
