I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
