Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
