Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
