Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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