Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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