Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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