Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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