If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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