i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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