She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
