You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
