Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
