fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
