i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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