i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
