It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize