I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize