If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
she smelled like a LAN party
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
