what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
