Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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