he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
