I just made out with a guy for $7.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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