So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Randomize
