Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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