your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize