Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
