every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
