I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize