is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
the day after is always just damage control
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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