mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
