living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
