Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Drunk is not a location!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
