please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
