I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
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