she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
my poor anus
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
