I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
