dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
