i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
