so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
