Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
